I'm a Believer

I have been on an antidepressant now for a little over two months.  I'd like to say that it was because I was suffering from Post Partum Depression, but to be honest it was more than that.  Now that I'm actually feeling better I can admit that this was probably creeping up on me for several years and it wasn't until I was post partum that it became so bad I couldn't function.  The only way I can explain it is that it was like there was a dimmer on my life and now everything is back in bright colors.  I feel SO much better! More in control of my emotions and able to enjoy my life.  I was so full of anxiety before I couldn't even make simple decisions like what to have for dinner.
The thing is?  I didn't even realize I was like this. Until I wasn't any more.
Since I last posted I've returned to work and it hasn't been as awful as I was afraid it would be. Granted it's only been 3 weeks, but I don't dread going in like I used to.
I am enjoying my husband and children more and trying to be more mindful of my time with them.
Because who wouldn't love spending time with the cutest, sweetest guys ever?

 Ben thinking he's "hot stuff"

 Brothers in matching jammies

My big guys

Even having my nose broken yesterday doesn't seem so  bad. (I was accidentally headbutted by Jack)

I've taken an interest in my life again.

And that feels good.

Inadequate

Since I've been home with the boys, I've been trying to take them to the park and to play-dates.  The social interaction with kids his age is good for Jackson and I REALLY need some adult conversation some days.  It's been nice to have the support of other mom's when I'm feeling overwhelmed and when I was having difficulty with the PPD.

Sometimes the mom's make me feel inadequate though.  Let's take a few weeks ago at the park for example.    
I was meeting a girlfriend of mine and her two children at one of the many parks in my town.  When I arrived, I unloaded all of my children and their paraphernalia into my double stroller and wheeled over to my friend who was chatting with another mom.  This mom I had met on two other occasions and she intimidates me a little.  That day she was dressed very cutely in a navy blue and white striped top, cute jeans, a brown messenger bag across her body and an adorable fedora jauntily placed on her head.  She has two little girls.  One is roughly 8 months older than Jack and the other is a month older then Ben.  Both were dressed cute and the older girl was playing nicely on the swings.  At one point she handed me her baby to hold while she retrieved healthy snacks for her oldest.   I was shocked.....this baby smelled like she was wearing perfume she smelled so good.

Then there's me.

 I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt to hide the remaining baby gut that I still have.  I don't remember if I had brushed my teeth that day and wasn't wearing makeup.  Jack was dirty and throwing woodchips, and Ben smelled like baby sweat and old formula.  My snack was a pack of Welch's fruit snacks (he doesn't usually have a big snack or he won't eat lunch).  We barely made it out of the house that day intact.

I don't know if I hate this chick or totally have a crush on her.

I could let this make me feel bad about myself or I could realize that this is what this woman does.  She's a stay at home mom.  This is her every day life.  Mine is on hiatus.  I normally balance work with kids and feel out of sorts now.

But I have been making a bit more of an effort with how I dress.  I put makeup on more days and wear "real" clothes.
My kids may be a work in progress, but they now at least smell like hers thanks to this:

Hey it's the small things...

Why I Haven't Been Blogging

I know I've been MIA from this blog for a while and I have good reasons for it.  I swear I do.

1. I have a newborn and a toddler and my time is limited.
2. I have been suffering from an overwhelming case of Post Partum Depression consisting of either sobbing uncontrollably or screaming in anger fits.  Don't worry I have meds now.
3. I have discovered Pinterest and we all know what a huge time suck that is.
4. Because of Pinterest I have discovered new home/food blogs to read.
5. I have been cooking, baking, and reorganizing because of those blogs.

But I promise to try to make more of an effort here in the future.  

That is if anyone out there is still reading....

Leaving The House With a Toddler and a Newborn

• Feed and change pants/outfit Newborn, put him in Boppy.
• Feed and change pants/outfit Toddler, turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
• Grab some caffeine for yourself and hurriedly get yourself dressed before either child starts crying.
• Change Newborn's pants again.
• Change Toddler's pants again and find him a different shirt because he somehow got sticky while you were getting dressed.
• Feed Newborn again.
• Make 3 trips to the car to take the Toddler, Newborn and all their crap down to the car.
• Bring the Newborn back into the house to change his pants since he took a giant poop in the car. 
• Change Newborn's outfit once you realize the extent of the poop.
• Load him back into the car-seat and return him to the car.
• Finally leave the house...

Total time: 2 hours 30 minutes

Time spent on errands: 35 minutes

Doesn't seem worth it does it?

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

My Mother's Day present to myself just arrived!  It's from a site called The Vintage Pearl and they have tons of cute stuff!

Transitional Time

I'm sorry I haven't posted much since we've been home. Quite honestly, having a newborn and a busy toddler keeps me pretty busy. I'm always changing someone and they never sleep at the same time. Plus a very little guy has his days and nights mixed up so I've been crazy tired!  I don't mind too much though because this little guy?

He's wicked cute.  I think he might be a little sweeter than Jackson was at this stage. It's hard to remember though since I tend to block those early days out I was SO tired!

Yep, he's pretty sweet and looks a lot like his brother did.  So much so that I sometimes mistakenly call him Jackson.

Everyone in the house seems to like him.  Jack loves to go over to him and say "Bebe" and play with his feet or pat his head.  He also pulls out his pacifier and tries to "share" food with him.  Fruit snacks, chicken nuggets, marshmallows.  I have to watch him like a hawk! At least he's sharing....

What's harder this time around is that both of our kids are needy and we divide and concur.  Spiderman tends to lean towards helping Jack out and then I take Ben.  The problems with this?  Jack can be taken care of much quicker and then Spiderman is back to sleep or whatever else he was doing.  Ben on the other hand?  He takes a little more time so I spend less time sleeping or doing anything else.  I would like to switch on occasion but for some reason Spiderman just doesn't hear Ben in the night.  Conveniently.

We did finally finish Ben's room.  Well mostly finish. I still have some decorative shelves and things to hang, but here's a picture.

It's actually much cuter in person.
That's all the time I have for this post before someone else needs to have a diaper change...

Meet Our Newest Family Member!

Benjamin James Connelly
8 lbs 8 oz 20 inches long

Everyone (including big brother Jack) is happy!